Happy Birthday baby boy!

Jackson's birthday was actually yesterday but I have been a little busy.  In honor of his birthday I read my journal about the day he was born 2 years ago and decided to post it.

Happy birthday action Jackson!  You have made me such a better person and I am so grateful to have you in my life!

January 5, 2010

I can’t believe that our little boy is already 3+ weeks old and I have yet to do any journaling.  Jackson Ryan Carter was born on December 13, 2009 at 10:27 am via C-Section.  He weighed 8 pounds, 8 ounces and was 22 inches long. 

Motherhood is definitely not what I expected so far.  It is much harder than I even prepared myself for.  But we have been blessed with a beautiful, healthy little boy that I look forward to getting to know more and more.  Here is a recap of our birth experience.

 

My last doctor’s appointment before my December 14^th due date was on Thursday before.  At that appointment I found out that the baby was breech.  I was devastated at first.  I was very disappointed about not having a normal birth experience.  I was preparing myself to go naturally for as long as possible, but the C-Section was scheduled for Tuesday the 15^th.  They would try an external version before actually doing the surgery to see if they could get the baby to turn.  On Friday I also tried acupuncture by a lady who said she had a 75% success rate on turning babies.  I was doubtful though that it worked.  

On Saturday night we went to the temple together because we knew it would be a long time before we could go back.  I was having consistent contractions throughout the session but figured it was just Braxton hicks and wasn’t too worried about it.  After the temple we went to the Bishop’s house for the Ward Council Christmas party.  I joked to Ryan that we might have to leave early.  We had a great time there playing really fun games.  At times we were laughing so hard that my friends joked I was going to go into labor!  I was still having fairly consistent contractions not very close together.  I woke up around 4 am that night and started timing my contractions at that point.  They were about 5 minutes apart but still not painful.  My doctor said that we hoped I didn’t go into labor before my scheduled date b/c then we couldn’t try to turn the baby.  I think I called around 4:30 or 5:00 just to see what they suggested.  It was actually my doctor, Kelly Suidinzski who was on call.  She said to wait to see if I actually was in labor and that hopefully I wasn’t.  I knew by 7:00 that I really was in labor.  They were getting a bit more intense.  I wanted to let Ryan sleep but I didn’t want to be alone anymore so I woke him up. 

I was definitely progressing and in pain.  I was happy to get to experience that.  It was surprising painful and did really feel like really bad menstrual cramps—the worst ever.  We got ready to go and left around 8:30.  It was a winter wonderland outside and it was snowing when we left.  Almost right away I was admitted and checked—dilated to a 3, contractions every 3-4 minutes apart, and the baby was still breech.  At that point, our wonderful nurse Linda started getting us ready for surgery.  I was shocked when I asked how long it would be…I thought at least a while.  But since I was progressing in labor she told me about 30 minutes.  I couldn’t believe it!  I was shocked that in 30 minutes we would see our little boy.  Ryan got dressed, I got dressed and ready and by 10 am we were in the operating room.

I wasn’t scared of surgery.  I know that they do this procedure all the time and I wasn’t worried about dying and I didn’t think it would be painful.  I was a little bit emotional when they made Ryan wait outside.  I just couldn’t believe that everything was happening so fast.  I was going to see my little boy so soon.  It was much more painful than I expected, especially the stitching me up part at the end.  Ryan was so interested in watching the surgery, he wasn’t paying much attention to me, but he was holding my hand.  The first thing he said when they pulled him out was “Oh, he’s really cute, cuter than other kids we have seen lately.”  They showed him to me for what felt like a split second.  I cried just a little bit and then was too distracted by the pain I was experiencing.  Ryan was immediately in awe of watching them check him and clean him.  One of the doctors said, “Wow, look at that scrotum!  If it was any bigger he could breathe through it!”  We thought it was funny, and yes, very true.  I felt really sick and uncomfortable after that so they put me to sleep.  I woke up an hour later to find Ryan and Jackson in the recovery room with me.

 

I didn’t get the immediate feeling of love that I was expecting when I finally got to see him in the recovery room.  I think I did miss out on the bonding experience a little bit but even if it was a natural labor I don’t know if I would have felt that way.  He is after all, a perfect stranger at that point.  I also realize now how out of it I was that first day after surgery.  I was exhausted and doped up pretty good.  I am not sure who I talked to and when and what all was going on, but I remember it being a good day.  I remember being so happy that Ryan was so interested and happy with him.  I didn’t have any expectations about how Ryan would react so I was so happy and grateful with how he was.

 

Our hospital stay was great.  We had wonderful nurses and lots of free food.  We utilized the nursery whenever we wanted to so we could get some rest.  I felt great the next day and we had a few visitors.  Besides some pain, I felt good and wanted to walk around and show off my baby. I took a shower and did my hair and makeup.  We left on Tuesday b/c I was feeling so great.  Mom was coming that day and Ryan was ready to take his family home.

 

Those first few days, before reality really it, were some of the happiest days of my life up to this point.  I couldn’t believe how beautiful and good our little boy was.  We had excellent care and we felt very close to each other.  I am very grateful for those memories.